2021, in Summary

I was looking through my photos looking for a visual representation of my state of being on this second day of the new year. A morning moon? Why? A contradiction? A confusion? Yet, there is beauty in this. I really don't want to write. I haven't been writing all year. I was focused on "doing my part" to change the direction of the country and get rid of the awfulness that was represented by TFG (The Former Guy whose name shall not be mentioned). That was a great day when we won! And then 1/6 happened and then the awfulness was revealed when the R party chose to buy into the Big Lie, rather than to support the democratic process. And it's just gotten worse. I haven't been able to put  energy into trying to make a difference, though I see the threats, especially in the attempts to weaken voting rights, oh yeah, and climate change, oh yeah and racism, oh yeah and fascism, oh yeah and covid,  oh yeah and abortion rights, oh yeah and divisiveness. Aaaaaah!

My energy went to other places. I lost my mom in August, and in the months prior to that, I was in a lot of anxiety about how best to care for her. I am not ready to share publicly about that experience, or about how I'm doing now. Just know that that undergirds everything. (I'll post the eulogy I wrote on another post). I'm trying to remember where 2021 went and I can see by looking at my photos and files that I had "projects."  They are mostly works-in-progress. We shall see if they become more completed. But I am forever a "work-in-progress" so .... (Maybe a blog post on my unfinished work is in order.)

I see that I spent a lot of the early part of the year with my friend's (T's)  granddaughters (R and O). I started tutoring them when the school year started and they were doing remote school. Then the first grader went back after spring break, I think, So for a little while, it was just with the preschooler. I loved being with them, their energy. This is why I would substitute teach before Covid. Whether or not I will go back to substitute teaching is a topic for another day.

I have friends, K and L, who I started to spend outdoor time with at least monthly, which was good for my soul.  One day when we were out on a hike, I shared that there were a lot of places in our own part of the world that I had never been to. So we decided to plan regular outings. I try to take at least one photo to mark the occasion. We started when the lock-down started to loosen. ​

Also in 2021, my daughter and her then boyfriend had decided to move away, her to a new job in L.A. and he to graduate school in Scotland. Because of the continuation of Covid, they ended up staying with me and my mom for several months before their move. This was a great bonding time. Before, I'd try to have them over for dinner at least once a week. During this time, we had daily meals and consistent support with my mom. Daughter finally moved to L.A. in June. I visited her then, when my sister came from California to be with mom.  A mom only wants for her child to be well and happy and though it would be nice for me to have her here, it is great for HER to be in L.A.

July through September were the transition months with mom's hospital stay, then hospice care, her passing, and finally the funeral in September. I do have a lot of feels about this time, but again, not ready to share.

​My niece K, who is a "digital nomad", stayed on after the funeral. So I have had company. We both went away for Thanksgiving, she to her parents in Colorado and me to L.A. 

I spend many hours taking care of house things and yard work. I am trying to find balance. My self-care doesn't seem to be writing these days, I do find satisfaction in yard work and to some extent, housework. I have many interests and there are not enough hours in the day to do them all, not to mention energy and attention. I don't know if I want to keep this website going. Right now, I am finding it hard to find the motivation. But pulling weeds and keeping up with the citrus which are now in season now is highly motivating. Getting rid of yucky carpets, broken blinds, outdated toilets, and decades of unused and never-will-be used stuff is also highly motivating. Yet, I still seek balance. It'll come in 2022, That's my intention.

Our driveway looking up our street.