When I started this website, I was newly retired, wondering what I was going to do with the rest of my life. It had to do with "creating," purposely trying to live a creative life. Again, I got busy. It wasn't a bad busy, but I neglected this blog. I did other things, mostly they have been passion projects. I try to only do passion projects. I find myself in this "space" again - a space where I don't have a lot of commitments or projects. So now what?
I found myself uncomfortable. Lonely even at times. Antsy. But things were percolating. I was responding to various blogs that came across my subscription feeds. Only one, did I note. This one: The Secret to A Happy Future ... in which the writer says it is "interpreting your sensory inputs ... and assigning meaning to them in a way that creates positive emotions." I had been thinking along those lines, Jungian-y. What does this bad relationship represent to me in the large scheme of things? (another story for another time)
So I decided to interpret my loneliness, as my aloneness. And my aloneness as a good thing, an opportunity. It didn't happen right away, but throughout the weekend, something developed. It didn't "kick" in, it moved in, sleekly, smoothly. Pushing out the discomfort, the insecurity, the self-doubt, the emptiness (which is a thing).
What was it? Inspiration, motivation, clarity. All of that, but when I came upon the word Muse, that fit. I like to think of myself as a social justice warrior, a do-gooder, so the idea of "just" being creative wasn't satisfying, made me feel useless. But to respond to my Muse, made it not only acceptable, but mandatory. Sounds like such a harsh word, but it feels like if your Muse gives you directions, you better listen.
So what did my Muse say? It asked me, "What makes your soul resonate?" Storytelling, songwriting, playwriting, calligraphy, cursive writing, sewing. So many things I could do! But one thing really stood out, and that is playwriting. So I am going to make that a priority, an idea had been brewing, and I signed up for Play Submission Helper. Checking out the different possibilities was energizing and definitely resonated a few times as I scrolled through the listings.
I had been looking to feel this way, creative, purposeful. As we say in Hawaii, Imua. Let's do it.
Diane Aoki is a writer who explores other modes of creativity as her intuition leads her.